Day 7- Realization

Today started the same as most days here in the hospital. Wake up, answer some messages on my phone, start my mango smoothy, and order breakfast. But shortly after breakfast the visitors started flowing in. I think its safe to say i had more then 50 visitors throughout the entire day. i was overwhelmed with support and love, but one thing really stood out for me today. Today was the first time I really heard the word cancer being said openly. It kind of took me by surprise. My dad always refereed to my tumour as a lump, and when people asked about my diagnosis my dad would mostly respond, “she has a lump in her throat.” So i wasn’t really used to hearing tumour or cancer. By this time most people were starting to find out bits and peices about first pathology report results. I distinctly remember the first moment i heard some refer to my condition as cancer. I almost felt a bit uncomfortable, as if it was a swear word or something. i looked around the room and saw a few more stunned faces, we had just never heard someone come out and say it. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but i was really hoping for later.

It was finally starting to feel real, i have cancer. But its so different being the one with cancer, opposed to being around a loved one with cancer. It all comes down to control. I have complete control of beating this, staying positive and healthy. My mom on the other hand feels like she has lost all the controls, and i know thats what scares her the most. I try to comfort her and tell her i’m strong and i’m going to be ok, but i know she just wishes she could make it disappear.

This quote was sent to me today from an amazing figure skater i got the honour of getting to know very well in 2011, Shizuka Arakawa

“god never gives us more then we can handle.”

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6 thoughts on “Day 7- Realization

  1. Carly,
    Your blog is an inspiration.

    Please do not feel alone in this. Here is another blog which is very similar to yours I saw in the Huffington Post last week.

    http://passmeanothercupcake.com/

    I hope you check it out and this blog can provides you with even strength then you already have

    I will be praying for you and your wonderful family and may you all stay strong during this difficult time, and know that you have god to protect you
    Sending you lots of love

  2. Carly,

    I’ve lived with cancer second-hand for the past 2 years as both of my parents have been battling with it. You are truly an inspiration and your positive attitude will carry you through this! Stay strong 😀

  3. Carley,
    I know you won’t remember me because the last time I saw you, you were just a toddler running around Paul and Rose’s cottage. I am your dad’s cousin (Ross) daughter. Your blog has left me speechless, you are such an inspiration and I can’t believe the strength and positivity you have facing such a scary and unknown situation. That strength and positivity though is exactly what you need to beat this! You seem to have such an amazing support system around you, stay strong, stay positive, you will need to in order to get through the tough times that may lie ahead. Again just remember you are an inspiration, even to people you barely know and we are all keeping you and your family in our thoughts.

  4. Hi Carley – its cousin Sue, again – just stopping by to say hi and to let you know I’m sending my most positive thoughts out into the universe for you!
    with love,
    sue

  5. God never gives us more than we can handle–that is exactly right. Nothing is impossible through Him! 🙂

    Have you ever seen the movie “The Secret”? It basically is about mind over matter, and how you can control your own life with your mind, in a way. People who believe they will get better from an illness are statisically proven to actually make it to recovery! So definitely keep that mentality at all times!

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