Last night i came home from Kingston for a doctors appointment this morning. The appointment was with our oncologist to assess my fever and cold. I have been feeling much better over the last few days but still not great. We started the chemo again on Sunday night so that could be the reason i’m starting to feel not so great again.
These days i find there’s no way to describe how i feel. I get upset about everything and just feel like crying but then i look at the big picture and i realize, this is just going to be another battle i’m going to win. Its going to be another trophy to put up on the mantle. “Conquered cancer round 2.” I know those word are far from being said but i do know there will be a time when i say them. Its not going to be an easy fight, and i cant say id be able to do it alone, but with the help of my friends and family i know its possible.
While speaking with the doctor in Boston he said something that caught my attention. He explained chemo like it was a “bomb” and its used to kill anything and everything inside of you to kill the cancer. I have never heard anyone explain it like that before. It made it seem like the healthy parts of my body were being destroyed in the process but i guess thats true. They have to almost kill you to save your life. But this is all different then the chemo i’m on now. The chemo i am on now it a targeted therapy and is not doing as much damage to my healthy cells as traditional chemotherapy, which is probably why I wasn’t feeling the same effects as the last time I had chemo.
Its been a rough couple weeks since i got this cold and fever but things are starting to look better. My fever has gone down a lot and my energy levels are improving. I just cant wait to wake up one day and feel completely healthy. I know it was only 4 weeks ago i was feeling great but it feels like a lifetime ago.
Thank you everyone for all your love <3
Its officially been 7 days that i’ve had a fever over 38 Celsius. I stayed at Queens untill last Sunday morning when my fever reached over 40 Celsius and i had to come home. I am thankfully back at school today but i will have to see how I am feeling. Its pretty frustrating that I have missed almost the entire first week of classes, but i know that shouldn’t be my biggest worry right now.
Yesterday my parents and I went to the Dana Farber Cancer Institution in Boston. I walked in and it looked like a hotel, so i asked my parents where we were cause it definitely didnt look like a hospital to me. We sat and waited for our appointment and this lady came up to us and gave me this little monitor, she said it was a tracking device so the doctor would know where i am at all times in the hospital. I thought it was a bit strange but i went along with it.
Finally our long day of appointments ended and we were on our way back to the airport. I was very relieved to be coming home since i was still very sick.
Its pretty weird realizing that i am at school and i am battling cancer at the same time. Its life and i have to enjoy it as it is. Cancer sucks but it would suck even more if i let the cancer take over my life.
Yesterday at 3:00 my family and i was finished moving me into my room at queens, and they headed back to Toronto. Last night in the middle of the night i started feeling some pain in my chest. I woke up to go running and i could barley move, it was difficult even trying to get changed. I tried to go running thinking maybe it would make me feel better. I took one step and i knew i wasnt going to be abel to run. Chest pain is a side effect of the oral chemotherapy, and the sheet of side effects mentioned that if i develop severe chest pain i need to go to the ER. I waited a bit to see if the pain was going away but it didn’t. I called my sisters best friends (my second sister) and she came to pick me up and take me to the ER. John also met us there a few minutes later. We waited as i got a chest Xray, and all my vitals checked. I thought that maybe i had some water in my lungs, that wasnt the case. My parents came to kingston to pick me up and take me to Toronto to see my doctors tomorrow. I will hopefully be back in Kingston on Wednesday. Its very frustrating for me that i have only been in Kingston fot 24 hours before i had an emergency. All i want is to be able to do the things i want to do. running in the mornings makes me feel so relaxed and sets me up for a great day. I was upset that i could not run today and i had to come back to Toronto. I would love to just wake up tomorrow and not be in any pain, but i know thats not something realistic to ask for. Its just frustrating because i felt perfectly fine yesterday and all the days leading up to going to kingston. I know in time everything will be ok, but right now it feels like my body just dosent want to cooperate with me. Im praying for a brighter tomorrow.
Today i started taking the chemotherapy pills. I only took them an hour ago so i havent felt any side effects yet. It was a very strange feeling taking chemo from a bottle in pill form. All day long i was looking over at the bottle trying to wrap my head around the fact that the bottle contained chemo. from my past experience chemo was administered in liquid IV form in the hospital, and my nurses had to wear gowns and a protective mask before hanging the bag on my IV tower. It was so strange to just be able to access the chemo at a time i chose, pour the pills into a little cup and swallow them. I still have to follow most of the same rules as before like no grapefruit, Advil, mouthwash, and the weird list goes on and on but i basically have it memorized from last year. And thats the thing… i never imagined having to use this knowledge again. just like yesterday when my doctor asked me if i had any left over anti nausea medication, and low and behold we had all the medication. It felt like i was back in March 2013 looking through all the chemo medications making sure i had enough before we started the next round.
Im still trying to understand everything that is going on right now, and part of me thinks i haven’t even comes to terms with the fact my cancer is back. It does not feel real yet, but i know it will soon. Cancer tried to beat me once and it failed, and it will continue to fail. I know i can beat this, it will just take more time. God has a plan for me, and this is the journey he’s taking me on to find it. I want to do great things with my life and i know one day i will be able to.
I will keep you all updated with treatment plans and how i am feeling.
I love you all
Today I met with my medical oncologist to discuss the results of my ct scan. I have been diagnosed with clear cell sarcoma in my lungs. My cancer had spread from my neck to my lungs. I will be taking a trial oral chemotherapy to stop the growth of the cancer in my lungs. It still feels surreal to me that my cancer is back but i can’t dwell on it now, It’s time to fight again. I know it won’t be easy but at least I know what I’m headed for this time. Thank you everyone for your continued support. My friends and family are the reason I’m able to stay so strong
It’s crazy to think just a few days ago I blogged about how I’m moving forward with my life, in a sense I still am, there’s just going to be a few more bumps in the road. I will still be off to university on Sunday, but I will be home often to see the doctors and check the progress of the chemotherapy pill. The side effects are similar to traditional chemo but I will not loose my hair and I may not feel as sick. I am hoping I will be well enough to continue living my life the way I would like to.
As much as the news upset my family and I, we know exactly how to handle it.
“God will only give me as much as I can handle, I just wish he didn’t trust so much”
Hey everyone! Its almost time to start fundraising for this years Ride to Conquer Cancer! This year we have developed a team called “Carley’s Angel’s” ! Anyone who would like to ride with our team is welcome! all you have to do is sign up for the ride under the team name! We already have 8 members including me! Its such a wonderful feeling to be healthy enough to participate in this years ride. Princess Margaret has done so much for my family and I and i cannot wait to give back to the place that give me the opportunity to live a normal life again. Here is the link to my personal page! please help us reach our goal of $2500 each!http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Toronto2015?px=3769631&pg=personal&fr_id=1523
As for my health! I had a CT scan 2 weeks ago and we will get the results on Tuesday! My TSH (thyroid hormone) is finally in the normal range!! so excited to be moving forward!
Next weekend i will be off to school and it is such an unbelievable feeling. to think at this time last year i was watching all of my friends go off to university while I was preparing for radiation. I am in a much better place now and i am so thankful for everything that has happened to me and my family. At this time last year the finish line seemed so far away, yet now i’m looking back on it feeling proud that I got through it and am starting a new life. For the longest time i wished for things to go back to normal but i came to realize that nothing will ever be the same and “normal” was was something i could no longer comprehend. Just like when i was going through the transition from being a grade 12 student to going to chemo, I am looking for a “new” normal. Im sure it will take me some time to find it, but i know i’ll have a great time looking for it.
I will keep everyone updates with the results of the scan! Lots of love to you all!